Rahul (Sharman Joshi) is a young man with dreams, working as a call center executive in a BPO in Mumbai. He silently loves Neha (Kangna Ranaut), a smart young woman who has made it up the ranks in a very short time, due to her relationship with her boss, Ranjeet (Kay Kay Menon).

In his 30s, Ranjeet is married to Shikha (Shilpa Shetty) and has a six-year-old daughter. Shikha is well educated, and a trained dancer. Ranjeet and Shikha decided that she should stay back at home and take care of the house and their child. Their eight-year marriage has turned loveless and bitter.

Neglected by an indifferent husband and bogged down by family chores, Shikha is attracted to maverick Akash (Shiney Ahuja). Akash is a struggling theater artist who is separated from his wife. Akash and Shikha's relationship starts as friendship and almost blossoms romantically, until Shikha feels guilty and cannot cross the limits that she has so fervently guarded all these years.

Amol (Dharmendra) is a 70-year-old man who has returned to India after 40 years to spend his last few years with his first love, Shivani (Nafisa Ali), who is also Shikha's former dance teacher.

Shikha's sister and Neha's roommate Shruti (Konkona Sen Sharma) works in at Radio Mirchi as a producer. She is 28 and desperate to get married. She meets Monty (Irrfan Khan, in an award-winning comedy role) through a matrimonial site, but she is unimpressed by the straightforward and socially inept Monty. While Monty likes her and is ready to marry her, she declines when she finds him ogling her. She is, however, dreamy-eyed about her RJ, Rishi K. Her boss hooks her up with Rishi K, and her relationship with him blossoms.

Rahul has a novel strategy to rise up the ladder of success. He provides his flat to his superiors at the office, where they can safely bring their mistresses, girlfriends or prostitutes, in return for recommendation for his promotion. Ranjeet also uses the flat to meet Neha.

Amidst one of their escapades in Rahul's flat, Neha asks Ranjeet about their future, which leads to an argument. He insults her and leaves. Indignant, she attempts suicide. Rahul finds her lying unconscious, and saves her. He brings her back to his house, which brings them closer.

Shruti is heartbroken when she discovers that Rishi K is gay. She leaves the job and gets a new one where she again meets Monty. Slowly, they become friends. Meanwhile, Shruti comes to know about Ranjeet and Neha. Ranjeet panics and confesses to Shikha of his two-year affair with Neha. An already guilt-stricken Shikha cannot hold it in any longer and tells him about her emotional relationship with Akash. Ranjeet is shocked and angry, and decides to leave his wife.

Shivani dies. Amol regrets the decision to leave Shivani 40 years back, stressing the importance of love to Shikha and Shruti. Shruti realizes that she loves Monty and tells him so just as he is about to go for his wedding. Meanwhile Akash decides to leave the country and asks Shikha to join him. On the other hand, Rahul is disillusioned with the way the metro has treated him and decides to resign and leave the city. Neha realizes that Rahul really loves her and follows him to the station. Ranjeet returns to Shikha, who is just about to leave for the station to see Akash.

Neha chases Rahul. Monty chases Shruti. Shikha comes to the station but not to accompany Akash. She wishes him good luck, tells him that she will miss him.

While the credits roll, we are shown Akash still roaming the streets of Mumbai, Shikha and Ranjeet are in a happier marriage, and Rahul is living happily with Neha. Shruti and Monty are also happily married and have a kid.

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Farhan Qureshi (R. Madhavan) narrates the story of himself and his friends, Raju Rastogi (Sharman Joshi), and Ranchoddas "Rancho" Shamaldas Chanchad (Aamir Khan), students at the Imperial College of Engineering, one of the best colleges in India. Farhan wants to become a wildlife photographer, but is pursuing an engineering degree to fulfill his father's wish, whereas Raju needs to improve his family's financial situation, and Rancho studies for the pleasure of building machines. Rancho incurs the wrath of college's dean, Professor Viru Sahastrabuddhe a.k.a. 'Virus' (Boman Irani), by giving creative and unorthodox answers in class and living by the philosophy that one should pursue excellence not success as success will happen if excellence is achieved, and later blames the rote-learning mentality of the institution for the suicide of fellow student Joy Lobo. Virus's model student is Chatur Ramalingam, called "Silencer" for his silent but malodorous farts, (Omi Vaidya), whom Rancho humiliates by replacing praise with an obscenity in the speech memorized by Chatur for delivery before the college faculty and donors. Meanwhile, Rancho falls in love with Pia, in reply, tells Rancho of the exam, and he and Farhan steal the examination's questions for Raju who refuses to cheat as he has fully embraced Rancho view on life. Virus sentences them to expulsion; but then Pia angrily tells him he was possible for the death of their brother who had wanted to pursue literature and become a writer however under Virus is insistence he failed the ICE exam three times and committed suicide due to the pressure placed on him by his father who had considered his death an accident. The three then earn a reprieve when Viru's pregnant elder daughter Mona (Mona Singh) goes into labour at the same time. A heavy storm cuts electricity, and Pia who had left the house instructs Rancho to deliver the baby in the college common room via Voice over IP, after Rancho restores power using car batteries and a power inverter invented by Rancho. After the baby is apparently stillborn, Rancho resuscitates it by using his signature quote All is Well to which the baby responds and survives; therefore Virus allows them to take and pass their final exams. Rancho comes first and is awarded Virus's prize pen, retained hitherto for an especially-capable student.

Raju and Farhan then take Pia who was on the verge of marrying Suhas to Ladakh, where they see inventions resembling those of their friend. They reunite with him and when they ask him his real name, he identifies himself as Phunsukh Wangdu, Chatur's prospective business partner. Upon learning this, Chatur is horrified and begs Phunsukh to establish the business relationship as he had forced him to sign a declaration of defeat and attempted to humiliate him, apparently to no effect.